"Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear"

Like Esther, we all feel fear. But also like Esther, we have the ability to choose whether to give in to that fear or to cast it out. Today I would like to tell you about a time when I felt extreme fear, but was able to cast it out because of the love that I felt from and for a group of young women from my church.

Each year the young women (ages 12-18) of my church attend a camp. The first four years that the girls go to camp they become certified as campers – learning to build a campfire, cook outdoors, hike, etc. The purpose of camp is to teach the young women to be self-reliant, develop an appreciation for God’s creations, learn teamwork and leadership skills and strengthen their faith in God. Once the girls have completed the first four years of certification, they are invited back to camp to be youth leaders.

The fourth year of camp is a milestone. It is a coming of age of sorts –the year when they begin the transition from being campers to being leaders. For this reason, the fourth year of camp is designed to be more challenging. I had the opportunity two years ago to be the adult leader responsible for the fourth year campers. The challenge for every fourth year leader is to provide experiences for the girls in her group that will push them out of their comfort zone, for it is in pushing them beyond what they think they are capable of doing that they gain confidence and learn to trust the Lord – both necessary qualities for being effective leaders. As I was planning, I didn’t realize that I was creating a situation that would turn out to be a life changing experience for myself.

For a high adventure activity I had made arrangements to take the girls to a climbing wall and zip line. We started with the wall climbing. There were girls who were anxious to begin and it was interesting to see them as they began the climb and realized that it was going to be more difficult than they had thought. There were some who were hesitant to try, sure that they wouldn’t be able to do it. It was amazing to watch as they cheered one another on, shouted words of encouragement and celebrated their victories together.

Next we were introduced to the zip line. We were instructed to go in small groups into the climbing structure, in which there were stairs to take us to a platform that was 50 feet above the ground. Those of us on the ground again cheered and shouted encouragement to the girls preparing to jump. At one point we stood in reverence as one young woman (who was hardened by a difficult life and was often difficult to reach spiritually) announced to us that she needed a moment to pray. We were humbled as we watched girl after girl conquer her fear and take that leap of faith. I was on top of the world! The experience and the way the girls responded to it was better than I had even hoped for. I knew that they were in the midst of an experience that they would never forget.

My surprise came when, as I was surrounded by a group of girls, excitedly chatting with them about what they were experiencing, I realized that they were in the process of clasping a harness around my legs. I had decided that I would not zip line. After all, this experience was for the girls. I was there as a spectator, a cheerleader. Much to my chagrin, they weren’t easily dissuaded from their goal of getting me to zip line. I hesitantly agreed and within minutes found myself being herded under the rope and toward the tower where I would climb to my doom. As I walked to the tower, entered and started climbing the steps to the top, I felt as though I was having an out of body experience. My body was doing something that my mind was willing it to not do! “I can’t do this!” I repeated over and over in my head. 

When I reached the top of the stairs, there were a few girls waiting there for their turn (some of them had completely overcome their fear by this point and were on their second or third jump). I told them, “I don’t know why I’m up here. I can’t do this.” I loved them for their efforts to calm and encourage me, but I was not convinced.

 As my turn to jump came ever closer, the pounding in my heart became increasingly hard and my shouting conscience became increasingly loud in my head. Eventually, I found myself attached to a rope, standing on the edge of a 50 foot high platform. I truly could not imagine why I had ever consented to being there. I was seized with fear. It was as though I was submerged in a pool of water. Girls and leaders on the ground below me were shouting their encouragement. Girls on the tower behind me, awaiting their turns, were whispering their encouragement. The trained operator of the zip line was ever patient with me as for, what seemed like an eternity, I stood in fear as he assured me that it was completely safe and that I could do it. But what was going on around me was muted by my beating heart and my incessant internal questioning, “What am I doing here?!”

Eventually everyone became quiet. They could feel my desperation. Their cheers of encouragement turned into quiet, gentle pleadings. “Come on, Sister Matis, you can do this.” And then one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced happened. I heard music.

My sweet fourth year girls had started singing, “Walk tall you’re a daughter, a child of God. Be strong, please remember who you are…”

 I was overcome with love for them. I couldn’t imagine how I had found myself in this situation, but I was there, and they were counting on me.

Their singing continued, “Try to understand, you’re part of His great plan…”

What would it say to them if I backed out at that point? What would happen if I simply stepped away and said, "I can't.  I'm too scared." But I did not want to let them down.

“He’s closer than you know. Reach up, He’ll take your hand.”

Just then the zip line operator said, “Just look up. It’s easier to jump if you look up.” He did not know the significance of what he was saying, at the exact same time that the young women were singing, “He’s closer than you know. Reach up, He’ll take your hand.”

Suddenly my love for those young women, their love for me and my love and trust in my Heavenly Father overpowered my fear and I jumped.

The impact of that experience will never leave me. Honestly, I don’t remember much after making the decision to jump. I think I may have blacked out! I remember a burning sensation on my hands where I apparently grabbed the rope I was hanging from and got rope burn. I remember reaching the bottom where steps were brought to me so that I could get to the ground, and hardly being able to stand because my legs were like Jello. I remember the property manager coming to help me and saying something along the lines of, “That was a beautiful thing. Those girls really love you.” I remember him also taking the rope from me and walking it back to the tower himself (normally the person who had jumped would do this) and telling me, “Why don’t you go sit down and get your legs back. I’ll take care of this.” I remember the feeling of elation that I had as I walked into the arms of those young women, knowing that they knew what it had cost me to take that jump, and knowing that I had not let them down.

I have not regretted for one moment since then that I made that jump. Not because it was fun or because zip lining in and of itself was a great experience, but because I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that “perfect love casteth out fear” (1 John 4:18). The love that the fourth year young women showed for me, the love that I felt for them, the love that I have for my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ, and the love that I know They have for me and for the young women I was serving, allowed me to cast aside my fear.

A key to living an outward focused life is to cast out fear with love - love for God and love for others.  When we allow fear to keep us from acting in the best interest of others, we choose selfishly and miss out on opportunities to bless them,  and ironically, we miss out on opportunities to be strengthened ourselves.